Wednesday, September 29, 2010

black and white

When did things stop being black and white?  I've had a few deep, albeit unsolicited, fears since getting married in 2006.  1)  That my husband would die, leaving me alone (the ultimate) and 2) That I would be unable to have children.  I recently reminisced with the hubby about my "crazy-at-the-time" worrying; and honestly, it was crazy at the time to worry about things I have no control over, but try telling me that.  Recently I've been reflecting on these fears and the amount of time I spend worrying about unlikely, uncontrollable outcomes.  How am I being at all productive, and how much time have I wasted fretting?

In the past year, I've tried desperately to hang onto the moment--to live in the "now" rather than worrying about what might come next week/month/year.  Sometimes I slip back and forth between being staying in the game and getting lost in the muck of worry, planning, and uncertainty.  My prayer tonight isn't for those things I want, though I pray for those often, but my hope is that God would grant me with a presence in daily life so I can live within the time at hand instead of worrying or grieving over things I have no control over.  I hope that I can stop seeing things as one extreme or another, that I can enjoy the daily little things:  my loving husband, my precious friends, the beauty God surrounds us with constantly.

Life is not black and white.  If something bad happens, even those things I fear most,  God will see me through; I know it wouldn't be the end of the road, and I know that just because things don't happen in accordance to my plans, it doesn't mean God doesn't have different--and more wonderful--plans than I have for myself. 

No comments:

Post a Comment